Also I become television production floor manager level good at miming concisely.
I like how instinct has me repeating myself but louder in a foreign country when someone can’t understand as though volume was the issue.
I lost my phone today in Tokyo & found it again later in a shop I had visited. That SOUNDS dull but it was actually a high octane thriller.
The problem with a buffet scenario is suddenly I’m devouring smoked salmon with bread pudding and custard like it’s not nauseating.
A nice vibe in a club is to sidle up to a stranger and pretend you’re their back up dancer. Caution: swallowed own hair trying this.
“Hipsters. Seoul”. Works every time.
Gooood morning from Seoul! All top tips for ultimate fun things to do/see/eat send this way please.
My mum was right, I DON’T regret learning how to tap dance now I’m older. Totally useful.
Sorry LA the weather witch strikes again. It’s all those tears I shed in the sky.
Woman finds phone in handbag after all.
Dearest Twitter, please inundate me with delicious places to try in Tokyo... x
I thought The Beast from The East was a footballer.
Britain’s reaction to snow explains why I found my first winter in NYC astonishing. Couldn’t believe people were still able to get to work.
I’m still happy I don’t have to do P.E anymore.
I have on a leotard, tights, a t-shirt tucked in, a sweater, a jumpsuit and a coat. I feel sexy.
Where do dentists go to the dentist? Must be awkward or something.
I know I’m bored when I start googling time/progress of existence. Ah dear.
May not be so hot on the birthday cards but I will always remember to wish my brother a Happy Pancake Day.
Happy Days was really confusing for me as a child. Made in the seventies about the fifities shown in the nineties. It was too many decades.
WE PRONOUNCE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
Oh dear. My French friend transcribed something phonetically in a bid to improve my accent only for us to discover the obvious.
“I need to fucking learn an instrument and lose ten kilos” lol lol Anon
I’ve avoided eye contact with my kitchen plant for about a month now. Sometimes I walk near it and say “sorry” under my breath.
My collection of withered plants make me feel like a hapless serial killer.
Where were Backstreet Boys coming back from?
Walked my French bread home in the rain. Now it’s English bread.
I just asked a three year old how old he thinks I am and he said “three-hundred and eighteen”. Fair.
But let’s be real, it sucks and I think about them allllllll thhhhhheeee tiiimmmmeeeee
Being undetectable to hand dryers was not the superpower I was hoping for.
My brother just asked me to wrap a gift. I said, “Who’s this for?”. “You”. Merry Christmas, everybody!
It’s a shame All I want for Christmas is You is my Sinner style trigger song.
My friend spells bus “U-B-E-R”.
This cannot be a coincidence
It’s weird that every time I get in a taxi they’re playing Who’s Gonna Drive You Home on the radio.
Still type “BOOBLESS” into every calculator I encounter.
That how it works, right?
If I roast a chicken will someone ask me to marry them?
And if they don’t they should.
I presume all book cases lead to a secret lair.